“Sorry!” “Hey, hey, wait a second,” you said, pulling him up by the shirt before he had a chance to start on the victory laps again. You tried to formulate your thoughts as he caught his breath, but he didn’t even wait until he had caught his breath to blabber on. “I’m so excited right now, you have no idea! Is it a boy or is it a girl? How long do we have to wait? What do you want to name it? Holy cow, I’m going to be a Dad! This is going to be soo…” “Stop right there,” you said, “Are you thinking about this?” This at least got him to quiet down
for a minute, so you barreled ahead before he could start up again. “This is going to be a lot of work. There’s going to be diaper duty, comforting it at night, feeding it, and that’s just while it’s a baby. We have to raise this kid until it’s eighteen, do you realize that? That means we’ve got to be role models, discipline, put up with temper tantrums, deal with a teenager…” “Yes…” Kris mused, drawing out the ‘e.’ “But it also means ice cream trips, teacup rides, sharing our favorite movies with it, and watching it grow up to look like us...” You shook your head. “Kris, don’t you realize that we only met a few weeks ago? And we’re both young? And I have zero patience and you can’t make pancakes without spilling flour all
over the place? What part of that sounds like good parenting material to you?” He looked hurt. “All of it…” You turned away, annoyed that he wouldn’t see what you were getting at, but he caught you gently by the arm. “All of it because I knew I wanted to eventually have kids with you the moment you came over to eat salsa with me.” You looked at him, standing there, looking so very painfully sincere, and you couldn’t help but give in. “You’re changing all of the diapers,” you grumbled, turning to walk away. “I’ve gotta go, we’ll talk more later.” But Kris was already in full celebration mode again. “Yessssssss! I loooooove you loads! I love you like this much now!” He jumped over the couch to show you how much and sped in front of you.
“When you’re done your thing, you’re coming back here and I’m gonna…” “We’re going to figure out what the plan is,” you said, getting a slightly disappointed look from him. But, to your surprise, he opened the door for you like a gentleman and gave you a knee-weakening kiss on your way out. “Love you, have fun! And I promise I won’t ever drop the baby!” he said, almost reading your thoughts. And as you walked down the driveway and felt your phone vibrating,
you wondered if this really was going to work out. “I love you!” he said when you answered. “And I can make pancakes without spilling flour!” With that, he hung up. But despite your misgivings, things went all right during your pregnancy. Kris cared for you like a husband, driving around at all hours just to get you food you were craving or back pillows. He even took all of your hormonal rants against his maturity level silently, knowing that you didn’t actually mean it and that you’d apologize later. You even found out how he got such a nice house - the ball of energy actually sat at a computer for a living making video games! And when the baby was born, Kris was there… until he was kicked out of the room for jumping up and down. But you begged that they let him back in, and in the last ten minutes they did, so he was there when you’re your son Robin was born… and when your son Jagger was born. And to your surprise, he was completely calm while holding them, staring into their little faces silently. He was quiet too when you got back to his place and put them into their cribs for the first time.
So quiet that you had to ask him about it. “Kris… what’s wrong?” He looked at his sons a moment longer before turning to look at you, a happy grin spreading onto his face. “I’m a Dad now!” he whispered, as if you didn’t know it. “It’s the most awesomest thing I’ve ever done! Don’t you feel the same way? That every time you look at them you don’t ever want to leave them?” You had to draw him into a hug for that one, realizing that maybe this would work out after all. And to your surprise, he just held you there, rubbing you back gently. “You know what would make me even happier?” he asked quietly. “The ability to program songs into Guitar Hero III without taking the game apart?” you suggested. You had really spent too much time with him over the past few months. “Yes, but besides that,” he said, mirth in his voice. “I dunno,” you answered, loving the feeling on his arms around you and you head on his shoulder.
“If instead of just a guy, a gal, and two babies, we could be one big happy family.” You pulled back to look him in the face. “Are you asking me to marry you?” He got a panicked-to-the-point-of-being-comical look on his face. “Erm… ah…. Maybe?” “Because,” you said, detaching yourself from him, which increased his worried look to near-heart attack level. “If you are asking me to marry you…” You trailed off, watching him squirm. “The answer’s yes.”
True, he could be an awfully annoying pre-schooler at times, but he had become your pre-schooler and you couldn’t imagine life without him around to make you laugh. “Oh, thank God,” Kris said, literally falling to the floor in relief. You laughed as he laid spread eagle on the floor, looking up at you. “For a minute there I thought you were going to go all Arnold Schwarzenegger on me.” “Never,” you laughed, and the sound of Jagger fussing in the background made you raise your eyebrows. “I believe that’s your call to diaper duty, fiancé.” Kris’ grin was never wider. “Ay, ay, captain!” he said, hopping to it. And as you left the room to go
clean up the floury mess he’d made in the kitchen for your welcome-home brunch, you had to smile to yourself as you heard him singing Tokio Hotel - in German - to the babies. You had gotten yourself quite a catch… But in the metaphoric sea that you’d caught him in, Kris was definitely the clownfish.