How did you discover your sexual orientation and/or sexual idenity? Did you come out, and to who? When did you come out, when did you know? Discovering your sexuality and realizing you're not "like everyone else" is a scary time. Even scarier is coming out. Place your coming out stories and how you knew you were... you. [If you're straight and ever went through a questioning or curious time, you can post that here as well. Sexuality and sometimes gender is a journey for us all.]
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I never remember as a child being told because I was female I *HAD* to fall inlove with a man or *HAD* to act a certain way. However, they always told me to just be myself, no matter what anyone says or thinks. Be myself, they'll always accept me. This was meant for everything. I grew up, not understanding or really knowing sexual attraction or love, but I knew I'd find men, women, even men in drag or androgenous women all attractive in the same manner, and never found it odd that I did. As I got older, I told people I was straight, but always admitted, "My heart could fall for anyone, regardless." Meaning skin, gender, all that, made no difference to me. I never knew what I was, word-wise. I wasn't straight, I wasn't gay. And bisexuality was only men and women. What about transgenders, transexuals, cross-dressers, hermaphrodites... people who didn't FIT gender binaries? Even when I was very young these people never striked me as odd. Infact, I remember being annoyed at people older than me who found something weird with it. Afterall, my parents told me EVERYONE is different, lol. Sometime, around high school, I ran across a word I remember learning about a few years prior "pansexual". I decided to look more into it. After reading about pansexuality I realized that it described EXACTLY how I felt. I was so excited. It's weird. Why would you want a label, right? But it was like I was finally discovering who I am and that I wasn't alone. Others felt the same way. That's also when I came across pansgender/genderqueer. It's harder to explain to people, how you don't SEE yourself as a gender. I KNOW I'm female, but... in my mind I'm genderless. Neither male nor female. I tell people it's like being Ziggy Stardust. XD As for coming out, when I first learned these words my friends were first to know. My friends are every sexuality and religion... They don't care. They never judge. My mother... I never felt reason to tell her. Her and my father told me from day one they'd always love me, there's stuff written all over my room proclaiming my sexuality... Take one step in and you know, haha. My dad's dead, and as for the rest of my family? I don't really give a crap if they ever know or how they feel. I love them, I just don't care what their opinions of me are, and I feel no reason to tell them anything about me. :D THAT'S MY STORY! XD |
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This is brilliant. Although I have basically always been vey much attracted to boys and men, there have been times of real (noticible) attraction to the feminine sex. I was attracted to a beautiful girl in sixth grade and it sort of freaked me out. This was in the seventies...and sexuality was more or less...well people often assumed everyone was just straight. Well many of us knew better...but so many never even talked about an option of gender. I remember thinking "God Forbid I be a lesbian" and knowing that life would just automatically be harder...and it was already damn hard enough...for an odd girl like myself, a flower child, who didn't always fit in any group at school. I didn't want to be lesbian, and was so scared that i might find out one day that i preferred women to men. (Probably why i had a couple of experimental moments with the same sex) Becoming ABSOLUTELY sure about my sexuality, has never really happened...but i am sure that I do like/love men and so...most of my exploring has been along this simple path. Living around Hollywood California, and in Hawaii, has really opned my eyes wider, and i have known and loved all types of sexual addrogenousity...and my favorite pal in Paralegal classes was openly Transgendered. (Although they had done partial surgical procedures, they still had male parts and also dated a lesbian) All thes human nuances are so interesting to me, and sometimes i fear that having the heart of a poet, or writer, keeps me distancing myself from everything. So I may analize it and make it understandable to others...but i have had my share of real interactions. & I have read... |
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A couple of books written about hermaphradites. I have a cool book of photos on Androgenous beautys...and one of my all time favorite writers (and deeper self~explorers) has been Anais Nin who was an obvious bi-sexual person. (Henry & June Miller being among her loves/lovers) Well i can sure ramble...ill close with that for now. (I am most probably also a Pansexual person) ~aloha~ Tracey |
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I'm only 15, have yet to meet someone that I'm even the slightest bit attracted to, and therefore have not the slightest clue what I "am"...I figure it doesn't really matter though; I'll just go with the flow 'til I meet someone I care for deeply :) |
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Hey, it's perfectly alright not to be sure, and afterall, you are still young (though I must say you certainly don't come off so young; kudos), and going with the flow until you find the right one is a great way to go. Just be you and let your heart lead the way in its own good time. :] |
