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► P l a y. ▌▌ P a u s e. ■ S t o p. ♥ L o v e
|C|R|A|C|K| - My Anti-Drug
...Oh....Wait...
...ಠ_ಠ
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Tuяn Up Tнe Vσℓυмe♪
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: .ılı.------Volume------.ılı.
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: Min- - - - - - - - - - -●Max
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: ► Play ▌▌ Pause ■ Stop
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You can't spell 'Danger' without 'Anger'
You can't spell 'Slaughter' without 'Laughter'
A King learns by his ears;
A saint by his intellect;
A beast by his nose;
And a fool... by his expirance.
Stupid, Stupid Instructions...
On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Because that's the only time I want to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(So we're supposed to open the packet in the store?)
On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(I thought this was DIAL soap, not regular soap.)
On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But is only a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Well, to late to do anything now.)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(And let me guess, it will be cold after cooling?)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(Aw, but it's so warm.)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(Of course, because my son always drives me to work while he goes to work at the construction site.)
On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(Yes, why else would people go out and buy a SLEEP AID If they didn't want to sleep?)
On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions:
"Put on fork and eat."
(Hold up. Pasta is for... eating?)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(Do parents perform surgery on their kids?)
On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(What's the third option?)
On artificial bacon:
"Real artificial bacon bits".
(The fake artificial bacon bits to expensive for ya?)
On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Um... now I'm confused.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(Noooo, really?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(Really? I thought it was a suppository.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitials.
(Because people always use a chainsaw while naked)
Tom's Comment; ...You could've warned me earlier!!)
On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Why don't you just tell the kids that Santa isn't real while you're at it.)
TIME FOR A MATH LESSON
From a strictly mathmatecal viewpoint...
What makes 100 percent? What does it mean to give MORE than 100 percent? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100 percent? We all have been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over one hundred percent. How about acheiving 103 percent? What makes up 100 percent in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions;
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11= 98 percent
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5= 96 percent
but
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 =100 percent
and,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20= 103 percent
and look how far this one will take you,
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7= 118 percent!
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while HARDWORK and KNOWLEDGE will get you close, and ATTITUDE will get you there, its really the BULLSHIT and ASSKISSING that will put you over the top. (and this is the truth, kiddies.)
--Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
--Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
--If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
--Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
--Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
--Why is the word abbreviation so long?
--If a turtle doesnt have a shell is he homeless or naked?
--If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
--Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
--Sleep: A completely inadequate substitute for caffeine/sugar.
--Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
--My imaginary friend thinks you have mental problems.
--Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words
--I used up all of my sick days...so I'm calling in dead
Teen Commandments
1. Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)
2. Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3. Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Wal-Mart has a bigger selection)
4. Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)
5. Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)
6. Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)
7. Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)
8. Thou shall not wear revealing clothes in class.
(Hooters pays more)
9. Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")
10. Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave 'em in the middle)
You know you're obssesed with Anime when...
1. You own a shiny metal object of doom.
2. You and your friends have anime nicknames.
3. You know your favorite character’s birthday; favorite color, food, and animal, blood type, and you cant even remember your sibling’s birthday.
4. You are in multiple anime fan clubs (or own some!).
5. You almost die if you miss an episode of your favorite anime, or can't buy the newest manga.
6. Your friend shows you their manga collection and you drool all over their carpet.+
7. You have dressed up as you favorite character on Halloween, or just for fun!
8. You have a picture of your favorite character in your wallet or purse.
9. You prefer guys with long silver hair and swords. (guys, just think of a female equivalent)
10. You write a story about your favorite character for English class.
11. You have pictures of anime all over you walls.
12. You have a dream in Japanese and you don’t even understand it.
13. You want to learn Japanese for no apparent reason, even though you have never been to Japan and probably never will.
14. Your knowledge of Japanese only extends to "hello" and "I will kill you". (or something along those lines)
15. You begin to learn Japanese through watching subs.
16. You use Japanese when in a conversation with any random person, and don’t realize you did until you see them looking at you funny.
17.You can't speak Japanese and can't understand Japanese, yet you can sing along to the theme song of every anime movie you own.
18. You accidentally call a very unintelligent person Kuwabara by mistake.
19. You wear a pink jewel around your neck and call it the shikon jewel.
20. You waist countless amounts of hair gel trying to that "goku" look.
21. (If you speak English) when English becomes your second language.
22. You name (or plan to name) your children after anime characters.
23. You buy shuriken or kunai.
24. You speak in subtitles.
25. You prefer anime over real life.
26. You begin to think that blue or pink is a natural hair color.
27. You continually buy and eat ramen, even if you don’t like it that much.
28. You suddenly decide to study a random martial art.
29. You cosplay daily.
30. When you get a crush on an anime character.
31. When you accidentally call someone an anime character's name
32. When you see someone with vaguely pointed ears and start screaming "Yōkai!" at them.
33. When you want ramen to be added to your school's lunch menu.
Ways to annoy the hell out of people:
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
3. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
4. Sniffle incessantly.
5. Name your dog "Dog."
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions " to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
8. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
9. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
10. Drum on every available surface.
11. Honk and wave to strangers
12. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
13. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
14. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
15. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
16. dont use any punctuation either
17. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
18. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
19. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
20. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
21. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
22. Sing the lamb chop neverending song over and over again.
23. Mow your lawn with scissors.
24. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
25. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
26. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
27. Never make eye contact.
28. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
29. Never break eye contact.
30. Stare at strangers just for the heck of it.
31. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries
with that.
32. Sing along at the opera.
~You know you live in 2009 when...
1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or my space
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did
LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES
Say the words out loud.
1) That's not right... ...Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive? ...Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP... ...Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man... ... Dum Fuk
5) Small Horse... ...Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the Beach?...Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table...Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift...Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here...Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet...Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone...No Pah King
12) Our meeting is next week...Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight...Le i Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile...Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive...Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great... ...Fa Kin Su Pah
Only in America...
...Can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance
...Are there handicap parking spaces in front of ice-skating rinks
...Sick people go to the back of Walgreens to get their medicine, while healthy people get their cigarettes at the front
...People buy hotdogs in packs of 10 and hotdog buns in packs of 8
...The banks leave both vaults open and then chain the pens to the counter
...People order a double cheese burger, large fries, and a diet coke
...People leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveways and keep their junk in garages
...People use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so they won't miss the calls from someone they don't want to talk to in the first place
...Is the word "politics" used to describe the process so well; "Poli-" in latin means "many" and "tics" mean "blood-sucking creatures
10 Best Things About Being a Girl;
10. We can wear guy clothes, but if they wear ours they get funny looks
9. At least one girl always survives in horror movies
8. We can put cotton between our toes and paint our nails without feeling the least bit silly
7. Our magazines have horiscopes
6. Girls with guy first names like Taylor sound cool, but it doesn't work the other way around
5. Our friends don't say "hi" but punching us in the arm
4. Yes PMS sucks, but at least we have an excuse to lay around eating chocolate once a month
3. Make-up covers any imperfections we may have
2. If we flirt with a cop, we can get out of a speeding ticket
1. Girl Talk... you know, the way we all just understand each other without having to explain a thing
日本語 - Japanese
Numbers:
零-0-zero(ゼロ)
一-1-ichi
ニ-2-ni
三-3-san
四-4-shi
五-5-go
六-6-roku
七-7-nana
八-8-hachi
九-9-kyu
十-10-,ju
十一-11-juich
十ニ-12-juni
十三-13-jusan
十四-14-jushi
十五-15-jugo
十六-16-juroku
十七-17-junana
十八-18-juhachi
十九-19-jukyu
二十-20-niju
Anime________________________
らき☆すた - Lucky☆Star
ローゼンメイデン - Rozen Maiden
ブリーチ - Bleach
しゅごキャラ - Shugo Chara
フルーツバスケット - Fruits Basket
ナルト - Naruto
ワンピース - One Piece
セーラームーン - Sailor Moon
ハ - ha ル - ru
ク - ku メ - me
音 - ne レ - re
夕 - yu ウ - u
ロ - ro サ - sa
の - no ヒ - hi
は - wa 円 - en
リ - ri ミ - mi
テ - te あ - a
い - i ッ - tsu
╔══╗♫
║██║
║ (o)║♥ Music
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яєαѕσηѕ ωну ι αм тнє #1 кιвα ιηυzυкα ƒαηgιяℓ:
1. I wear a parka like his everyday to school, even in summer.
2. When I get a dog I'm naming it Akamaru and training it to sit on my head.
3. I have a shrine to him in my closet and posters of him all over my ceiling and walls.
4. I have about 10 Kiba plushies that I keep by my side all the time, I literally bring them to school in my backpack when my mom dosen't see.
5. I have about a million Naruto(tm) video games and the Main Character I play as is always Kiba Inuzuka and Akamaru.
6. I talk to my Kiba plushies when I'm all alone. (XD)
7. I have about a million Naruto books and sketches with Kiba all over them.
8. I have Kiba pictures all over my Binder, Notebooks, Folders and even pencils. (I taped them on)
9. I decorate every webpage/site with his pictures and rants about him.
10. I have about 100 websites about him.
~* Need I Say More? *~
>> If I don't reply to your comments left on my Blingee's it does not mean I am a jerk, I'm just very busy. Usually I will try and comment back or at least rate one of your Blingees! <<
-Global Warming will happen two days before the day after tomorrow... OH MY GOD THAT’S TODAY! D8
-Math is the lesbian sister of biology.
What kind of fucking OCD FREAK wasted his/her lifetime 'friggin labeling words?!
English - A language that lurks in dark alleys, beats up other languages, and rifles through their pockets for spare vocabulary.
My life is a series of awkward moments.
Shinigami-chop will one day be the world's new bitch slap. Once you've been hit, you die. You die dead.
PRIDE, TEAMWORK, EFFORT - We'll have none of that bullshit around here.
(I've got A.D.D and magic markers. Oh the thrills I will have.)
"We are not retreating -- We are advancing in another direction."
"Madness does not always howl. Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'Hey, is there room in your head for one more?'"
Introducing… THE POCKET CHAINSAW! For all your sadistic needs!
Have you ever noticed that just about 90% of anime females look the same? It’s sad to admit, but its true.
A bad friend stabs you in the back, but a true friend stabs you in the front.
He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. His name is Edward Cullen so be ready to get raped.
Morirò in una camera di albergo a Las Vegas perché farò troppe droghe - I'll be dead in a Las Vegas hotel room because I'll do too many drugs
Adults fondly remember the past, but children use the future as an escape.
A King learns by his ears;
A saint by his intellect;
A beast by his nose;
And a fool... by his experience.
"God just told me that he wants us to meet him, Jesus, the poodle, and the ferret at Burg to play Rock Band with David Draiman."
Okay, look, you can't just walk into a room. You gotta fucking soar in on an epic rainbow llama and dramatically enter that room with a muffin in hand.
Cat Physics - A cat will expand to fill any surface or container it deems as; "Mine".
holy shift! Look at the asymptote on that mother function!
I don't fail! I just succeed at doing things that don't work!
I will kill you so hard you will die to death
.
If Abortion is Murder, than Blowjobs are Cannibilism.
I'm not online. Your computer is lying to you.
Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together
Life can hit you in the face, like Micheal Jackson's crotch...
"Pay back all your debts by borrowing more money from us!" ...Clever.
The plural form of Zangoose is Zangeese. And Cresselia is a moon-duck! :D
"Of course. You wander into the (chat) room and we all stare and wonder what insanity you will impart on us today (and start popping popcorn, because sometimes it comes with a show too. <3)"
Simple Math; Edward Cullen + Sun = Disco Ball.
Bisexual: A person who can stick their hand down anyones pants and be happy with it.
Happy fucking Wednsday.
Tonight, we dine in HELL! (And for tomorrow, I'm thinkin' Arbys!)
How old are you? Thirteen? When I was your age - I was at least sixteen!
Dying! Dying in the night!
Won't somebody bring the light
So I can see which way to go
Into the everlasting snow?
Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: For it is the number of a man; and his number is... *666*
A dream is called a dream... because it doesn't come true.
(Q;How the hell did Danni get a hold of some propane and a lighter?!) A; It's Danni. It was probably some elaborate, unnecessary and violent way that very likely involved feather boas.
"I called your boyfriend gay and he slapped me with his purse."
"The Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."
"Suicide Hotline, please hold."
"A good friend will bail you out of jail. A real friend will be sitting in the cell with you saying 'That was fun!'"
"I have animal magnetism-when I go outside squirrels stick to my clothes."
"The trouble with real life is that there's no background music."
"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts."
"I have not lost my mind; it's backed up on a disk somewhere."
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
"Computers make very accurate mistakes. (2+2=3 Calculated in 0.000000001 seconds)"
"If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much room."
" If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?"
"If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost."
"OK, I'm wierd! But I'm saving up to become eccentric."
"I trend to think in simple, clear terms that are wrong. (I is wierd!)"
"Yo-yo: an object occasionally up but normally down (See also: computer)."
"Beware of the letter "G." It is the end of everything."
"I do visit reality, although it's on a tourist visa."
"Flying is not inherently dangerous; crashing is."
"If you try to fail and succeed, which have you do
ne?"
"One thing you can learn by watching the clock: It passes the time by keeping its hands busy."
"Normality will be restored as soon as we're sure what it is. (Restore Normality Button)"
"In dog years, I'm dead."
"Before you insult someone, walk a mile in their shoes, that way when you insult them you'll be a mile away and have their shoes."
"The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot."
"Bush said today he is being stalked. He said wherever he goes, people are following him. Finally, someone told him, 'Psst. That's the Secret Service.'"
"People are like slinkies. Basically useless. But yet it is so amusing to watch them fall down the stairs"
"Don't play dumb with me, I'll always win."
"Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door..."
"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."
"He learned what every man must learn...never insult a girl's looks, especially if said girl can kick your ass"
"I'm not awesome, you just suck."
"IT'S THE SUGAR TALKING, I SWEAR!"
"Ladies and gentlemen, as I stand here before you, sitting behind you, I am here to tell you something I know nothing about. Next Wednsday, being last Friday, there'll be a lady's convention for men only. Admission is free, you pay at the door, pull up a chair, and sit on the floor."
"People say violence isn't the answer. Well, they're right. Violence is the question. The answer is 'HELL YES'."
"I never said I was normal... you just presumed I was."
"Life's a bowl of punch. Go ahead and spike it."
"Stupidity got us into this, why can't it get us out?"
"Leadership's not about fireing bullets and stabbing people...it's about being able to tell others to fire bullets and stab people!"
YOU CRY, I CRY, YOU LAUGH, I LAUGH, YOU FALL OFF A CLIFF, I LAUGH EVEN HARDER!!
-Why go to expensive therapy when bubble wrap is free?
-I like to wave at those moments as they pass by.
-Holy Batman, Taco!
-Sit, boy!!
They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well I think guns help. I mean if you stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill too many people.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars, and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"
It takes 42 muscles to frown, but just 28 to smile. Though it only takes 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone in the mouth.
Silence is golden... but shouting is fun!
Don't knock on Death's door; ring the bell and run- he hates that
When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and enjoy while others try to figure out how you did it!
Don't follow in my footsteps, I walk into walls!
Why don't you just go jump off a cliff?
This morning, I woke up and asked myself: "I wonder what I can do to piss someone off today...?"
The weather man lied!
If you can't beat them, run for your life. If they catch you, play dead
The crazy people made me their leader, but then my mom took me away from the asylum we were in...
"On your grave it will say 'always at the wrong place, at the wrong time!'"
"Joseph...You're an odd boy." "You came back from the dead to tell me I'm odd?"
"If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike."
By the way,
I will not consider my life complete until I beat a man to death while wearing a tuxedo.
9 out of 10 people agree that out of 10 people, 1 person will always disagree with the other 9.
Don't take life too seriously... it's not like you're getting out alive anyway.
--
And that is pretty much me. I'm too lazy to organize the funny things from the weird things from the angst things, so deal with it.Or, at least wait until I become so bored Death the Kid will force me to do it.
